I remember loving you

 Seeing the pics in my phone ,old chats in my whatsapp and those videos in my gallary,I,I remember loving you.

I remember your innocent activity ,I remember your voice ,I remember the soothing sound of your heart beat which is still my fev song of 2am.

I remember the happiness of being toghther ,i remember how we used turn the 2am to 4am by looking in the eyes of each other,i remember the promises of loving till the sun die,I remember all those secrate that you used to tell me by saying you never told it before to anyone,

i remember your cute jealousy,I remember those eyes which has power to hold the time,I remember that voice which used to cure my 60% of problem. 

I remember that terrrible night that make you decide to leave me alone ,i remember how you left me broken ,I rememeber the love ,i remember the grief ,I remember the things that I should not.

Do you remember anything? 😅

 

And I stop.

 People says i have problems of overthinking, i think they are right but sometimes overthinking protect your feelings from being broken.

Sometimes I wonder that If I say that 'I like you' you will reply me back with same feeling and says "I like you too"or just make fun of my feelings. And may be that's why I stops.

Sometimes i wonder that if i tell you that" how much i miss you would you hold my hand, You will hold me or just walk away. And I stop.

Sometimes when i really feel lonely And wanted to talk with you, Type the message of long para and without sending it save it in my draft, thinking that may be you will not text me back or busy with someone other...

Each time I stop, I stop because I really don't wanna hurt my feelings but if you really care why don't you come and says, "Hey whenever you need me tell me, I'll be always there for you" 

Miles apart,but yet together

 Dear xyz,

I really don’t know why I am writing this to you.But listen I miss you. last time,the way you looked at me at midnight I swaear i was in tear.

 I don’t know why anything did not worked between us.still i was the happy being with you.

I thought you feel same for me the way i feel for you,but i was wrong.I know it my mistake to overthink. But still i go back to the conversation and read it again and again and try be believe myself that you were actually with me,because may i could never tell the truth to myself that you were never mine. 

It’s how funny na , you know everything about me ,you know that i am lil bit upset but now you have stop asking the way you used to ask in begening “yaar think hai na tu”.Ok actually i too don’t care about it whether you ask about me or not,But atleast say about yourself that you are happy or not without asking as the way you used to say everything in those days. 

Because your happiness is really matter to me no matter you are with me or not.but you will always be alive in my writing my poetry and in my heart. I don’t know how you forgot everything and at same time its strange that the guy who can’t remember the certain things easily, remember everthing that you told.

 As usuall all those promishes broke into pieces and a strom came and swept away everything.But I’m happy that i’m always next to you ,no matter you are next to me or not. 

“

It's fine to be broken.

 

Life is a sinosoidal curve.
Looking at borning baby we all think that life is so fantastic and joyfull.when we reach at the stage of adulthood then a cloud of problems suddenly appear just like the rainy cloud in the summer,Unexpected and unpredictable.

you meet the different kind of people initally everything goes smooth.and you started assumption about future.you feel like everything is perfect.You started approching that person more and more .you start look her\him after more than yourself.You started giving extra love and care.

wait , Don’t think that giving someone extra love care and support is wrong.it’s absolutely good but while giving attention to other you forget love yourself,you foget that you are too a human being who need to be love care and attention.you forget to love yourself.and when you foget loving yourself,

at subcouncios level you start believing that I am nothing without that or those person.when they go from your life ,you suddenly break.the expectatios you were made that time when they were with you hit you hard again and again and you go deep down in the ocean of sorrow.

well,Its not a new thing, happen with everyone.And after that stage two kind of people appear.

one who assume that i can’t do anything I’m nothing now .and there growth stops

And other one that rewind the past not to blame that person or situation but to observe the constrain and take the lesson. Just ask yourself,who kill you the most?and the answer is your own expectation.

And I think being broken once in life is important. when you are broken you see the certain things carefully ,you evolve and you come up with better human being and then you realise the theory that everythings happen for a reason....

Last wish.

 I was listening songs on radio.someone dedicated your fevourite song to his long distance lover.when the song started i couln’t stop myself to think about you. your adorable sound with laughing face crossing my mind. A hidden smile passed through my face just like the moon pass through cloud in dark night. at this moment,It’s so hard to not talk to someone anymore who almost looked like everything in life.

 suddenly finger almost run on your name IN whatsapp ,almost observe your dp ,almost typed ‘please come back’But always hits back space before almost every action for you. You were like the 12:00 am good morning wishes that i missed behind just by one second,and broke me apart. 

Did you observed,how many “almost” has grown since you are apart? You know what most strange things i felt about past is that You suddenly walk away letter ,you even did not wait for me to says good bye back, 

Oh,sorry. even till today i never thought about saying you good bye.I accepted the situation thinking that it’s life and it happens with almost everyone.I accpected that number of virtual hug(from video chat) longer talk on phone and that innocent promises can’t keep two people together.

 I still smile whenever i go through scrolling your pics and videos ,reading those letter,realising that even in this fake world this relation is so pure by my side.And again it gives me ray of hope.

I still open my dialer type your number and wait for your calls.I still open my messanger at 12:00am wait for your good morning wishes .I still miss you so much .I still love you so much.I still think that I’m in love with you.No matter what happened in past ,fogetting everything I still look at sky wait for the falling stars to make a wish that –“Give her back in my life”.I’ll wait. it may be my last wish but I’ll wish........................

Thank you for the wonderfull memory.

"Love for inner peace not for any greed.

                                             - Saurabh mishra

My pen know me well

 I have many things to writing but i don’t know why after a certain point my pen start bleeding and stops.

It

might be that my pen is afraid that these writing may not hurt you unknowingly,that maybe some words hit you hard and you start crying .I think my pen knows well that i can’t see you in tear thats why it stop writing whenver i writing in aggression .Whenver i want to put up some question about everything that happened ,he stops and says that how you can put up the question about that perosn who meant world to you,your whole writing time had been spending writing her beauty ,her trifle,her smile the way she is. 

I think  my pen know my inner feeling .Outside I always say that i have no feeling, but inside i know that i just can’t stop loving her,no matter that person is with me or not.

I love you but  i can let you go..
Remember whenever you need me ,put your ego side and you will find me in your side.